Well, the window of opportunity shuts quickly. Tuesday night, the night of my treatment, I was feeling great. Wednesday, same thing- even texted David Lusby about running a half-marathon. Thursday, spent the whole day running errands, and crashed hard early in the evening. I only slept about five hours on Wednesday, since I had to be at the infectious diseases doc early on Thursday, so maybe that was to blame. I have aspergillus, but right now that seems like small potatoes.

Point being, I should have blogged on Wed. or Thu., because I am fucking toast right now. Yesterday and today, my energy is below zero, making the smallest non-tasks- like reaching for a glass of water- seem like Herculean-type challenges. I guess this is all part of feeling it out- figuring out when the highs (please let there be highs) and lows are going to come, and living accordingly.

Caitlyn is doing her best to be positive- she is out getting our secular celebratory solstice holiday tree right now, and I wish I could have gone with her. And I want her to know that I wish I could have gone with her, but I can barely lift a finger. To her credit, she is going to keep asking me to do things, fully expecting that soon I will feel good enough to say yes to actually doing something. That's what I want, but one of the psychological side-effects is me wondering whether I should be able to do things. Do I feel "normal?" Is this hitting me harder than it should? Am I being tough enough?

I don't know the answer. Caitlyn does not either. I don't want to be babied, and besides, there's really nothing to do for me right now. I am a dark cloud right now, and I don't blame anyone for wanting to be out from under me for a little while.